Relating to Others

by Jeff Fry (based on "Freedom in Christ" Discipleship Course by Neil Anderson)

I.       Intro

A.   One of the biggest questions in life is "How do we get along with other people especially with those who are difficult to love?  Or in other words: how do you relate to others?  If you were asked to give someone guidelines on how to relate to others what would you say?

B.   Jesus gives us some advice in Matthew 22:37-40.  He says, " Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbour as yourself.'  All the Law and Prophets hang on these two commandments."

C.   God's word says we must love others as we love ourselves.  The Bible says that we are our brother's keeper.  WE are to bear one another's burderns.

D.   God is teaching us that we must look beyond ourselves and care for others and their needs, not just our own needs.  We are taught to have the other person's best interests in mind.  Let's unpack what this means (note: what does this mean though - does it mean to just give them what they want???)

E.   One of the clues that the Bible seems to give is that in any healthy, balanced society or relationship one has two things:

1.     responsibilities - which you are required to fulfill

2.     rights - which are privileges that you have and can exercise

F.    For example: Husband and Wife

a)    Let's take the example of a husband and a wife.  There are some clear passages about how the ideal relationship between husband and wife should look.

b)    Right of the husband and responsibility of the wife:

(1)  Ephesians 5:22ff says, ^{22 "}Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. ²³ For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church …"

c)     Right of the wife and responsibility of the husband

(1)  Ephesians 5:25-26  says, " ²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…"

d)    The best way to approach this relationship is if both husband and wife are focused on their responsibilities.  Then you would have …

(1)  wife: I recognize you as the head of this family and I want to do everything I can to help you lead us in a godly direction.

(2)  husband: I love you with all my heart and I am more than willing to sacrifice whatever I must to build your faith up and mine

e)     But if they both demand their rights you have ….

(1)  husband: you better submit to me or else …

(2)  wife: you better love me and sacrifice for me or else …

G.   

H.   Thesis: You should be ready to  …

II.    Be Responsible & Give Up Your Rights

A.   State

1.     This is opposite of what the world likes to do.  It likes to demand its rights and thereby shirk its responsibilities.

a)    e.g. take abortion:

(1)  right demanded: for a woman to do whatever she wants with her own body

(2)  responsibility shirked: to preserve the life of the unborn person

2.     To understand this passage in Romans 14 it is important to know how seriously the Jews took their dietary laws.  Because they believed that these laws had been handed down by a deity to them, most Jews observed the food laws very strictly and literally.

3.     In fact many Jews in the two centuries before Paul died for refusing to eat pork which was considered a delicacy by the Greeks. 

4.     Jews observed their dietary laws no matter where in the Roman Empire they went.

5.     Jews classified food as "clean" or "unclean" based on the Bible - for example Leviticus 11 says:

a)    "There are some [animals] that only chew the cud or only have a split hoof, but you must not eat them. The camel, though it chews the cud, does not have a split hoof; it is ceremonially unclean for you. ⁵ ….. ⁷ And the pig, though it has a split hoof completely divided, does not chew the cud; it is unclean for you." (Leviticus 11:1-7)

6.     To say that all foods are clean as Paul says would be a shock to most traditional Jews of Paul's day.

7.     So, some Jewish Christians in the Roman church were saying something like, "well, we're not too sure now that we are in Christ if the OT regulations still apply or not.  So, we think that we should still observe them."  So, they did and so some of them ate only vegetables says verse 2. 

8.     Other Christians who were stronger in their understanding of the new covenant promise in Christ understood that their acceptance before God lay whole and solely in their trust in Christ as Lord and risen Saviour.  They knew that they couldn't put God in their debt by following dietary laws or by doing any works of righteousness.  Only Christ could make them righteous in God's sight.

9.     So, two groups:

a)    weak Christians

(1)  responsibility is to love and not judge  those who believe it is ok under the new covenant to not be subject to dietary restrictions any more or the observances of special days (e.g. special days of the OT ceremonial law, possibly the Sabbath too).

(2)  right is to be able to act according to their own conscience even though their understanding of the new covenant is weak

b)    strong Christians

(1)  responsibility is to love the Christians who thought is was good to only eat vegetables and thus not judge them for it

(2)  right is to not be subject to the dietary regulations of others

10. With this background we see that Paul says in verse 14 that no food is unclean

a)    "As one who is in the Lord Jesus, I am fully convinced that no food is unclean in itself. But if anyone regards something as unclean, then for him it is unclean" (Romans 14:14).

11. But for some Jewish Christians in the church in Rome, it was obviously a rule that they still kept - ie. they still did not eat any unclean meat (meat that might not have had the blood properly drained from it or meat that had been sacrificed to idols) - a holdover from their Jewish days.  For them this was still a way to honour God.

12. We often make this mistake- we demand our rights even when it destroys our responsibility or when it destroys a brother in Christ or a spouse or our children, etc, etc!

B.   Illustrate

C.   Apply

1.     How would you apply this to parents and children based on Ephesians 6:1-4?

a)    Children and Parents - A Subtlety for Our Day

b)    Ephesians 6:1ff says,

(1)  Ephesians 6:1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ² HONOR YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER (which is the first commandment with a promise), ³ SO THAT IT MAY BE WELL WITH YOU, AND THAT YOU MAY LIVE LONG ON THE EARTH. ⁴ Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

c)     The children have the responsibility to obey their parents while the parent has the responsibility not to provoke their children to anger.

d)    Parents who are focused on teaching their children in love rather than angering them by demanding are going to be more successful parents according to the Bible.

e)     Children who focus themselves on obeying their parents will be blessed and have a long life.

f)      But there is a subtle problem here.  Loving people by emphasizing your responsibilities to them rather than your rights does not mean giving them everything they want. 

g)    This is a common misconception in our consumer culture nowadays. 

h)    It goes like this: "If you love me, you will give me what I want"!

i)       yet, just the opposite is true because what people want sometimes isn't in their own interest. 

j)      This is often true with children.  We would do well by not giving them everything they want but by bringing them up in the "discipline and instruction of the Lord".

k)    Don't take away the promised blessing attached to obedience for children by giving them nothing to obey.  This command to obey which is given to children assumes that the parents are giving the children some concrete principles and rules to obey - ie. teaching them right from wrong and bringing them up "in the Lord".

l)        

III.  Conclusion

A.   So, "Be responsible and give up your rights" in relationships!